Independent
DJ is about to be 15 and he is not totally where he should be at this point. He goes to special needs school where he learns how to make his bed, vacuum, load and unload the dishwasher things like that. But, at this moment we are still struggling with brushing his teeth correctly, washing himself in the shower by himself. We do not trust him to cook dinner yet , he can although get dress by himself, put on his shoes and put stuff in the microwave . We recently had his IEP meeting and we were discussing him working when he turns 16. Can I be honest, I am so not ready for him to start working, I often think about what the world will do to him. When he’s home he’s protected and to think about him working not knowing if people will treat him right and understand him, will they tease him? And I won’t be able to protect him from any of it. I think about when I was in school and how people didn’t really have a great understanding of special needs children as they do today and how people made fun of other people and no one had empathy for people. To me at this point everyone should know someone with special needs, and I would love to believe that the world has changed, but as time goes on I just don’t know.
I always said that I would build some kind of small house for DJ in my backyard so he could have his space to do what he wants and be independent while I can keep an eye on him, but I often look at his 14 year old self and think he’s not ready but maybe it’s not him as much as it’s me not being ready to let him go. As a special needs parents we often have to think about the long run of things, we have to think about their future. What happens when we die? Who will take care of them? Should he go into a home? Decisions have to be made. I think this is the hard part. We need our children to be independent so that they do not totally rely on us because we aren’t going to live forever.
What ever decisions that are being made you have to have people in your corner to make sure your not being emotional about it and your doing what is best for your child(ren). This is very hard and scary as your child gets older because you face a different dynamic of the journey.